When I was a kid I always wanted to be an adult. I wanted to be taken seriously, I wanted to be able to stay up past my bedtime, I wanted to eat candy for dinner, I didn't want to go to school and I made these points known to my adult caretakers everywhere by yelling "I can't wait to be big!" I would tell them, and then they would tell me to enjoy being a kid because "these are the best days of your life." Well, they were right.
If only they would have expanded on what adulthood meant. Car payments, bills, work, work, work, heartbreaks, more restrictions, bad haircuts, insurance copays, car accidents, accountability, more heartbreak with a side of regret and don't forget about having to be responsible for yourself.
Responsibility is the big one. When I'm sad and blue then I'm the one that has to pick me up. When my body is injured I have to be the one to get myself to the hospital. When I'm lonely I have to figure out how to quench my loneliness because my mommy isn't there to pick me up and squeeze me anymore. My life, once fueled by dreams and bublicious bubble gum, now runs on caffeine, self decisions and sheer will power. Like sands through the hourglass these are the days of our adult lives!
I'm currently looking at my adult life and wondering if these days could also be the best days of my life. Am I wasting these years in my 30's as I wish for bigger paychecks, better vacations and a more vibrant love life? Am I still acting like that little kid wishing away his life for a better tomorrow where I think I'll have more freedom from restrictions? Yes, I think I am.
So what is the solution? I don't currently know but I'm "looking into it." I do know that being present is a big key. If I'm looking to the past or the future to reflect or wish for better times then I'm missing out on the experience of now as it's actually happening to me. God knows I don't want to do a repeat of my childhood and miss out on the moment at hand.
As a result I'm trying to focus all of my decisions for now and my immediate future. I'm feeling my now feelings, which can be great or horrible depending on the day, and not attempting to suppress them too much. I've also consciously made a choice to take advantage of opportunities to go to Brazil with a friend in April and on a cruise with my family in June. Those are both things that I look forward to that are in my immediate future, and I intentionally chose to do them because I want to have world trips now and not when I have a better job and the perfect partner.
So what's next? Well I guess I'll cross that bridge when I get there.